Is "I'll have to ask my wife" a valid excuse for a no buy?

No.  Come on fellas you can buy your own stuff.  Surprise her, make her supper? If she's going to get mad if you don't ask her then set a new trend and buy it anyway or... get it sent to your mates' house and go round to eat it there.  Be quick though because he may claim it never arrived or his wife might get mad too - you takes your chance!

Can I eat 'raw' bacon and survive to tell my kids?

Our bacon is not raw and the common perception is that you cook it.  Obviously common sense prevails - everyone's got it so get it engaged and learn and start appyling age old skills like intuition. We're only allowed to sell all our products on the presumption it's going to be thoroughly cooked.  As with everything if it's green orange fuzzy mouldy give it a miss. If it totally honks give it a miss, if it moves... run.

How do I cook this awesome stuff?

This is a very special product and possibly unlike any bacon you're used to eating and it depends what version you go for. We'd advocate not overcooking any of it, treat it like a dear friend, a filet steak, love it, cherish it. Any cooking method can be used even cooking in warm fat (confit) for those who really don't care but want ultimate OMG taste. Otherwise it's simple, listen up:

Hot, hot, hot frying pan (we call them skillets here), no oil just real dry, extractor fan on, lay bacon on pan:

Back Bacon rashers, leave for 60 seconds then flip over and do another 30 seconds, done.

For Streaky reduce the time to 30 seconds each side.

For Ultrathins - reduce times even further as little as 10 seconds total or dare to not bother cooking them at all.

For Lardons - fry off for a 90 seconds or so.

For N'Dujas - Break up, add to other ingredients like mince steak or chicken or Pork and cook for the dish you're preparing.

Can anyone eat Piggery-Smokery Bacons?

Yup, any human being can eat our produce. Some religions and beliefs prevent folks from eating pork products of course - Piggery-Smokery produces pork products so you'll have to figure that out yourself. Some of our bacons are also made using known ALLERGENS that affect some folks, some really badly too. These are listed in capital letters on the labels or head off to our Products Page, they're listed there too. We are scrupulously clean here at PSHQ however we can't guarantee that there are not minute traces specific ALLERGENS in all of our products, especially GARLIC and GLUTEN. We can make specially for you if you like but we'll need advance notice.

Is Sweet Beaver™ really Beaver?

Yes.  Errr, no, no it's Sweet because of the real Maple Syrup we use (not from concentrate) and it's Beaver because it's Canadian and a frontier kind of food. Our Grizzly Adams' Downfall is Sweet Beaver™ on Beer - but that's a different story.

Do you do gift boxes and bespoke labels?

Yup, normally we can box up a selection of bacons for you and send it on to whatever address you want it posted too. We can even put your own label on the packets - a friend from Australia wanted to send bacon to his brother for a stag do. We sent 2 boxes to the Isle of Harris and named his Bacons The Lairds' Breeches and Brisbane Lass he was well chuffed. It'll cost a wee bit extra but, hey, it's well special.  We also do RecuperBacion Bacon for those needing a perk up.

How do you make this stuff so good?

We've been making it for years now and have learned lots, often the very hard way. However, that's really good news as it means we pushed boundaries, found them and can get it right for you guys. Like anything you get more skilled the longer you do it and it is just Jiggery-Pokery. We use curing salt, great ingredients, time and love mainly.

What about Nitrites (E250)?

Ah yes, the Nitrite question. For me, without doing the marketing PR and hype kind of thing and being totally honest I am unable to unequivocally say you'll die as a direct result of eating our bacon (although you may stop in your tracks at the taste sensation).  You're extremely unlikely to, but it's remotely possible I guess, you could choke on it maybe?  However, if you add into the mix everything else in your life that you expose yourself to, like maybe: aerosols, traffic fumes, drinking alcohol, using butter, sitting around doing nothing or cycling or driving on Britains roads or just a stressful job, then eating a bacon roll every now and again isn't going to have a dramatic impact on longevity in all probability. Let's face it, we've been making and eating this stuff for hundreds of years using uncontrolled specification of Saltpetre and our life expectancy probability has risen dramatically, that says something - it's now a refined production art and made to be safe.

Our clients tend to be intelligent, free thinking folks and will not base their eating habits on dramatic press releases alone. They also realise that there are other significant contributory factors to this disease. For more information visit NHS , Cancer Research UK , Bowel Cancer UK.

Ok, How much Nitrite (E250)?

Our curing salt contains 0.25% nitrite by weight of salt as used in the curing process. For a 1000g piece of pork we'd use 0.075g of Sodium Nitrite by default.  Post curing we wash the bacon flitches to remove excess salt.  Consequently we also remove free Nitrite too.  Per packet of Bacon Nitrite equates to total max weight of less than 0.019g or 0.006g for 2 x rashers or <6mg.

We can make bacon with just pure salt. However, we use a minimum amount of Nitrite to control nasties like Boltulism which is actually known to kill you totally, painfully, dead.  Bacon made with NaCl can look grey.

Can I freeze Piggery-Smokery Bacons?

Yup, but come on you got to be kidding right! We cut fresh every week so give us a shout and have it fresh. However, freeze if you really need to. The taste can be slightly affected and, when you take it out the freezer to defrost, the packaging may loose it's vacuum and become more like a loose bag - it can still be eaten of course. It'll last probably to the end of time in the freezer but this can't be proven.

Where can I purchase this amazing Piggery-Smokery Bacon from?

Well we're a bespoke product and we're deciding what outlet(s) we want to distribute our bacons through currently. However you can go to this website and purchase on our products page, we'd love to sell you something amazing. We also got contact details here. We're also open to drop ins - please phone ahead so we can control the dogs, advise the wardens and turn the electric barbed wire off.

What are the types of Piggery-Smokery Bacons?:

Ultrathins?: These are bacons sliced wafer thin possibly even 1mm thick like Italian salumis only Scottish and possibly way better, ken?

Back Bacon?: Made from pork loin the muscle running either side of the pigs' spine - Mossies Loins are well fantastic, normally really thick with great marbling but still more meat to fat ratio. Ideal for fantastic bacon. Normally about 6.5mm thick.

Streaky?: Made from belly pork, a thinner & fattier cut than the loin but, in our opinion, the very best bacon ever made is from the belly - it's called Dark Dubhloch Streaky and has Gold Stars. normally about 4.5mm thick.

Lardons?: Generally made from streaky bacon just cut a wee bit thicker and into 1cm batons. They'll enhance any meal, even vegetarian ones.

Ya'Dubhyas?: This is Celtic version of N'Duja made from Scottish pork and hilly, kind of cool air from Alford. It's Culinary Kryptonite but should be mixed with other main ingredients, especially the Chilli version which is loaded with quality Paprika and smoked Chipotles, no kidding it is Kryptonite (as well as any other night! It too is cured pork and can be used as a spreadable sausage.

Top Baconeer?: Susan.

Where are Piggery-Smokery based and can we come round?

Alford, Aberdeenshire and yeah but phone ahead and we can turn off the electric fences and tell the machine gunners you'll be coming. We're often at various food shows and festival. If you want us at yours phone or e-mail us or come and speak. Contact details are here